Monday, April 29, 2013

The Giant Eagle

The United States of America has many names; glorious names like the “melting pot”, the “land of opportunity”, and the “nation of immigrants” to name a few.  America likes its diversity and respects “weird” people by these names.  What an honor it must be to be bestowed these names especially in a world where being different is wrong!  I’d like to bestow a new name to the USA today; I shall call it the “Giant Eagle.”

To be more specific, I mean the produce section of Giant Eagle.  Here, customers can browse through either fruits or vegetables.  It is pretty clear which ones are which; the fruits are all placed in the middle of the floor in baskets that do not require any water to keep fresh.  They are further categorized by type in easy to distinguish baskets.  The vegetables are placed in the outer perimeter of the section in bunches, although there are no physical barriers between the different types, in slightly cooler cases and occasionally sprinkled with water.  Vegetables get really thirsty, you know.

The fruits also tend to be a bit more diverse in color than the vegetables.  There are the yellows, the reds, the oranges, and occasionally some greens.  The vegetables are vice-versa; they are mostly green with a sprinkle of red, yellow, and orange with those bell peppers.  The bell peppers are not included in the water-sprinkler cases, though.  These two groups are meant to be as separated as possible, even outside of the warehouse arena.  The names stick with them forever and once a fruit, it can never be a vegetable.  Once a vegetable and it can never be a fruit.  However, there are a few edibles that baffle everyone's’ minds.  Things like tomatoes.  

Tomatoes are the plights of the world.  Why is it impossible to categorize tomatoes?  Some argue that they are fruits and some argue that they are vegetables, but the tomatoes seem to have no answer for themselves.  Neither the fruits nor the vegetables seem to want to claim them either.  So we are left in a state of limbo.  Limbo is no good at Giant Eagle since everything must be categorized to be easily found.  So they get their own little case towards the end of the aisle and either people hate them, or people are indifferent.  That’s just how tomatoes roll.  

At least the tomatoes are recognized, though.  There are some that are so elusive that their appearance seem to shock, yet their meager existence, when acknowledged by the experts, will only wow.  These are the spices:  

The spices are neither a fruit nor a vegetable although there are people to argue for either side.  They exist quietly minding their own business and when someone wakes up from a reverie to finally acknowledge them, to use them, they bring something extra to the table.  An unexpected perspective.  The crowd wows at their brilliance at the time and then they fade again into obscurity until another brave person decides to take the adventurous route.  The abnormality of this group resides with the fact that they can choose to help the fruits or the vegetables.  That is their independence.

Finally, within each group, there are the rotten ones.  Customers seem to ignore these brown-lipped fruits, vegetables, tomatoes, and spices.  Over time, these poor creatures make their way to the bottom of the pile of their respective groups.  Since no one ever purchased these, they collect and grow at the bottom until finally, Giant Eagle is forced to acknowledge them because otherwise, they will pose a threat to their revenue.  Then what happens?  Some unfortunate soul is required to dig them out, place them on a stool for a discounted price.  Enough is done so that the Eagle doesn’t go underwater and then once again, they quietly grumble and live their existence under the piles of gleaming produce.

This is the Giant Eagle.